BOOGER ETIQUETTE

So I'm driving to work today, and an older gentleman in front of me waves out the sunroof. Not quite a wave, but sort of pointing, but not directly at me. Then I realized what he was doing. Flicking a booger out the sunroof. I'm unsure whether it hit my car or not, but it was quite disgusting.

At first I was angry at this guy, but then I started pondering. What is the proper technique for booger disposal while in the car? Have I done this myself? I think we all have. There's nothing worse than a whistling piece of nose candy shuttling back and forth with your inhales and exhales, threatening to tumble from your nostril at random, and generally annoying the living shit out of you and anyone within hearing range.

In such situations, you've got to do something.

I would say the first thing would be to find a napkin, kleenex, paper towel, anything disposable.

If none of those are available to wipe it on, move on to the second tier of booger disposal, which would be anything removable from the car. Garbage, paper, your kids, etc.

Lastly, if your car is bare bones empty with absolutely no other options, I suppose you'd have to do the flick and wipe. Flick out the window, wipe the residue on your sock or something. If you're the Bruce Lee of nosepicking, you can try the classic Snot Rocket, but this has been known to backfire when not only does your boog fly out, but a backflow of snot sprays out in a shotgun-like pattern all over the door upholstery of your car.

If you do take option three and do the flick and wipe, at least make sure there's not a car behind you with a guy who's going to write about how you flicked your booger out of your sunroof, all while carrying on a conversation with your wife, completely oblivious to the consequences.

While this is a lighthearted story, had his green gold been seen hitting my car, we would be having a different conversation entirely. Chances are, the entry headline would have read something like, "I Killed A Man Today…."